My Blog

I changed my status from It’s Complicated to Attached. I just want to make things a little simpler.

Not that I broke up and got a new bf. I just want to be myself. Nothing in my life was ever complicated. I grew up happy with everyday, liking everyone, even those that were nasty to me. Never hated the girl that called me stupid in class and did not want to sit beside me. At the end of yr 2 in sec school, she apologised.

If you receive a key that opens a Pandora’s Box, would you boldly accpet everything that came along the way, or become resentful of the creature that stings you? I decide to myself, that I want to be a happy girl once more.

I took a photo at Botanic Gardens yesterday - it looked calm and beautiful. I want to stop questioning people. I just want to make my life easier. I still love chocolates and being able to laugh. It’s still my habit shopping alone. I still feel some movies are to be watched alone. I still feel falling in love and being in love is beautiful. I still thinks every single one of you on Earth IS beautiful.

I still like raining days and the chilly winds. I still enjoy kissing. I still like salamanders. I still like photography and acting. I still feel the world is beautiful.

Watched Amazing Race the last episode with my bro. We wanted the Hippies to win. Cos they brought more smiles to the world, they took things in a greater stride, they enjoy every challenge, they remembered the paths they have taken. At the flag challenge, teams had to pick 9 flags from the huge maze of flags and put them in the correct order of the country they had visited. Some flags were even colored wrongly to distract them. Though the arrived a little later than their competitor at the final flag challenge, mutual encouragements and determination lead them on to the finishing line.

If your partner told the world he isnt normal, what would you do? Would you treat him normally, be normal, treat him differently or be different? I thought the Amazing Race taught me a couple of lessons. When you don’t speak the same language, when you face a road block or a challenge, when the world is moving faster or slower than you want them to, remember where you have been through and love it, because the journey counts as much as the destination.

Thank you Jun for always pushing me to the destination while I always looked at the journey.

"Smile, the best is yet to be"

Quick Inspirations when I got up at 8 am…..

The Philosopher: "To break or not to break, that is the question."

The Businessman: "What incentives are there to stay with her?"

The Politician: "I have a strong mandate. You better choose me."

The Gamer: "To be with her is mar chiam Oblivian. You want me to come back to you? Can, give me 30 gold peices."

The SCV promoter: "Ying wei nu peng you zui zhi de ni chong ai"

The Ah beng VCD Seller: "Lelong Lelong, free fuck free fuck!"

Jack Neo:" I not stupid you know! I money not enough liao, what you want?"

The Scientist: "Try an error" (Input by Jason)

The Actor: "I’ll be back"

This leaks out from somewhere i my heart.. when i went to Clementi today after pool with Jun and Sam.

It’s been 2 years, but i can still remember how the feeling lingers on. Because it was the most important time of my life. Struggling to survive a failed relationship and handle the greatest test of my life, my final year NTU exams.

Come to think of it, I couldn’t believe it passed just like that, because I was still in the midst of asking myself what the shit was I in. Those nites I spent alone in the 1 room hostel, I was glad I was alone for 2 weeks. Away from everyone. Family and bf. Only songs from my pc kept me company while I lie on my mattress on the floor. I did not like the bed. I cried every night. I listened to the same songs over and over again. Until I decided it was time to switch to some new composition by this new person. And I am still listening to them now after 2 years before I sleep. During those nights, it gave me some time to think, and it gave me some time to speak to someone else new that came into my life. And it was Jun.

No one knew that this person messaged me in Friendster. No one knew I went out to meet him in Borders for the first time. No one knew we were dating and messaging like crazy. No one knew we stayed up till 3 am to ICQ each other. I remembered a lot of things. There was a nationwide black out and he called me and told me he was at the balcony. This is from the last para, an excerpt from a poem that Jun wrote to me.

“I think its hard to understand, how friends can learn to be Someone that’ll always be there, through all uncertainty But in that time of awareness, I’ve found myself a sun That glows even in darkness… Jingle…you are the one”

I miss the poems and the letters, I start to think about how every date feels exciting for us then. Now we see each other every day, and when I return to bed, I look at the first toy that he bought at IMM while I studied that Mc, sometimes I read all our letters and our entries in our little black book and cry at the memories.

Awfully sentimental, it should not be drown and forgotten in daily practicalities.

The Mc and Clementi still has that flower pot at the right corner. I knew it cos it was there when Jun accompanied me while I studied there and he wrote in my little black book. He was wearing his Army uniform then. Now that all the uniform as made way for black pants and suits, I am looking back and thinking of all the fights we had, the quarrels, the tears. It’s been 2 years, but I can still remember the Otah that we bought and we just lay at the HDB shelter to eat. Maybe that was the incident that made Otah taste so special now.

We did an online quiz that analysed that my heart was made of gold and his made of glass. And he told me he would encase gold in glass, because if anything were to happen, he were to break first. What happened 2 days ago was true enough to demonstrate this, for he whacked his head with his knuckle many times because he was frustrated with himself over our tiff. And it was so bad, he had to see a doc and did an X-ray for his skull to make sure he was feeling alright.

The path we had taken wasn’t smooth. I hear this is my head all the time “If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star” for this is our song, Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You, that played at a stationery shop at IMM one evening when were dating. Now whenever we hear this, we smile at each other, and our hearts just melts on the spot.

Maybe many ladies have different memories with Jun. Maybe some of them shared their lives with him for some time. Maybe some of them held his hands that played the finest songs. Maybe some of them kissed his lips that parted the cutest grin. But all I need, is to keep this message from Jun to me.

"nothing’s gonna stop me from showing my dearest i love her… I’ll try to make you feel you’re the happiest person in the world.. cause when you’re back… i know i’ll be… so until your return …. i’ll be here.. waiting. Love you more than you could imagine. Yijun. Anamics Inc. Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:18:12 +0800 "

This is for you, and if you happen to pass by, drop me a message. Cos I just cun stop living in our start, for everyday is always a beginning.

1. If you have nothing better to do, watch a movie, sing a song, go shopping or go shit. Never try to write something just to entertain yourself. Similiarly, people go elsewhere to get themselves entertained. Therefore, if you decide to write something, inspire. Do not be a clown.

2. The world has enough bad news to start with. 99% of the main paper are bad news. Suicide bombers. Increasing temperature. Declining service quality. Do humans a favour. If you have to write something, make sure it’s for the good of mankind. Stop terrorising the world with your stories and stressing everyone when they do not even know you in the first place.

3. Be responsible for your words. What you pen down is in black and white. And can transmit to the other end of the world faster than you think. Do not be alarmed if you see a pig head at your door in the morning. 

4. If you are really talented, go write a fiction book, and get a book published. At least you earn something for you talent, or get a literature prize. At least people know what you are writing, are they true (biography?) or not (fiction, sci fic, fantasy?). Save people the trouble of guessing half the time what you claim is true.

5. If you really need privacy, invest in a nice diary. Burn it, bury it or give it to someone you trust when you die. It’s useless to have an ID to sign in to read if it is meant to be a diary. Stop making your loyal readers wait for your return when you decide never to write again.

6. Be realistic. People only are interested in your life because it is full of bad news. Or if you are lucky, your stories are super inspiring. No one wants to read if you marry and live happily ever after.

7. If you need friends, go out and meet them. Only people with no friends hide in their room to type the whole day, and only people who read everyday have no social life.

For your information, I do not type everyday and I do not terrorise the world with my stories. I write because I feel there is a need to, and I have friends who got inspired by what I wrote. I have plans to publish a book - just have not decided if it should be facts or fantasy.

Many magazines have this "Understand what girls mean when they say this" page once in a while

I say stop reading those and start understanding me.

I say: "That’s nice"

- I mean it’s even better if I have it

I say: "I hate you"

- I mean I am VERY angry, I am gonna have a heart attack, you better apologize and I am not gonna compromise

I say: “It’s ok lah”

- I mean you better be zi dong and do something

I say: “What the Fuck”

- I mean lucky I do not have a stick with me, if you your head’s gonna roll

I say: “You look pretty handsome”

- I mean I will rape you tonight

I say: “Sorry”

- I mean good, I manage to shut you up

I say: “I just want to say ‘sorry’ ”

- I mean I am really sorry

I say: “Up to you”

- I mean you better make a good choice and do not change your mind

I say: “Shall I buy it?”

- I mean do not comment anything and I can make my own decision

I say: “I need to be alone”

- I mean I am upset and you have done something wrong

I say: “Can I talk to you?”

- I mean I have a problem with you, and I have tried to think it over, but I feel you are still making me upset

Thank you for your understanding.

I was asking my Boss if he has any good news for me as he is out of town. He told me that everyday finding yourself waking alive is good news.

Good news, i love them - that person that you infatuated for so long finally asked you out, and bought you a tulip. The Starbucks Coffee Jelly is finally back. My debtors finally send me my cheque. You finally finish reading "Marketing Genius". You won the 1 million lottery. Your boss agrees to your "passive income" request. You managed to buy a Chinchilla. You get your hands on a one carat diamond. Your doctor apologised of a mis-diagnosis. There is still one Kinder Bueno in the fridge!

Bad news, it’s just part of life - breakups. Your dog died. Your hamster escaped. You lost your wallet - and your keys. Your cue warped. Your reward card with 2000 points expired yesterday. Sizzler is under renovation. You got a bf that refuse to apologise. Your maid soiled your favourite dress. Your FYP report contracted virus and there is no backup. Your house caught fire.

The Ugly - Your found a limited edition chocolate condom wrapper torn in your bf’s wallet, and you guys only use Extra Safe. Your bf’s ex stills stalks him. Your colleugue told everyone she saw you kissing the Boss. Your lover calls out another girl’s name while on the bed with you. You found out you are not the only one missing your bf.

Come on.. celebrate. At least there is still a good news everyday isnt it?

This back by popular request by Jason.

A bus stop bill board for Singapore Prison recruitment drive read as headline “True Courage comes from passion”
I thought, yeah true, really.

For a woman to love a man - passion
For a woman to understand a man - passion
For a woman to tolerate a man - passion
For a woman to forgive a man - passion
For a woman to decide living the rest of her life with him - passion

What have you done as a man to make your lady so passionate about you, that she still has the courage to live you and breathe you?

“Passion is what you have if you are willing to do it for free”

I haven been my self. I haven been eating much, haven been writing much, haven been acting much, haven been shopping and spending money much, haven been drinking coffee much, haven been listening to my favourite songs much…

I haven been dreaming much, I haven been laughing much, I haven seen the sun for quite some some, I rather it rain a longer time…

I haven paint and draw for a long time, I haven clean up my room for New Year, I haven been working much, I haven been going out to take photos.

My Shuffle mysteriuosly doesnt work, my adopted pet hamster bit me, I haven watched any horror movies lately, ice cream doesnt make me happy anymore.

I just sit on my desk and watch my new hamsters sleep, I only surf Friendster, I didn’t drink Bubble Tea often like I used too, everything looks boring to me.

Maybe I ate too much Beef Fan-tastic Burger, got the Mad Cow Disease, slogged too much last year, cried too much every year.  I wish my Marimo grows bigger, I wish my new hamster jumps up on my hand and say "we love you!", I wish I can do a 8 ball run today, I wish I can see a rainbow everyday, I wish I am 17 again.

Some people say movies stories are like real life.. some people say we live like how we see in the movies..today, I see both.

I woke up and went to the library wanting to borrow a book call Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. The status on the computer shows that it is not on loan. But hell, i cun find it on the shelves. Suddenly I see a guy holding the book in his hands and I wanted to stalk him and grab the book from him or ask him if he is really going to borrow the book (i know i am asking the obvious, but that hope of him saying "yar, but you want it? Erm..you can have it first" still flickers across my mind. In the end I gave up and he disappeared within the blink of an eye.

I went to Bugis to have a walk and ate my nuggets and corn soup at Mos alone. Then Sam sms me and say Eileen can join me for shopping in the afternoon. So i went down to Taka to meet them. I asked Sam where to meet, and he said Tiffany. So I asked him "The high class one or the low class one." Cos there are 2 storeys at Taka. He said the low class on, so I walked in there and looked for him and Eileen. I dun see them, so I walked out again, thinking they might be outside the shop. But they are not. So i went in again. And this time Heaven might be playing a trick on me, as I saw my boyfriend right in front of me. He was looking at the jewellry in the shelves and I was surprised and puzzled why he was there instead of Sam and Eileen. At first guess, I thought Sam had arranged for my bf to be there and asked me to go there so that we could ‘bump’ into each other. But apparently, Sam did not know Ejun is gonna be there and Ejun did not know Sam wants to meet me there. Sounds confusing? Yes, it probably was, because the 3 main leads were absolutely stunned by the coincidence that happened.

Outside the store, i saw my ex coming up from the escalator and he was drinking Coffee Bean. He was with a girl and she looked like a Shanghainese girl (think David Tan?!) and I finally said Hi to him after like 2 years we broke up.  I intro Yijun and they shook hands and I was like Help…my ex did not shake hands with my ex-ex and so this is my first time in the situation.

My bf wanted to buy me a present from Tiffany cos i was always walking in and looking at the pretty little things and he always say why see when you dun want to buy. Today he asked me to try and asked me what I liked.

I went to the 1837 collection and tried on several stuff, like Return to Tiffany oval and round tag pendent and Return to Tiffany Oval Tag Ring. I also tried the Heart Link Ring. Normally I would hang in there so much longer and try on everything. But today, we were only there trying for 10 mins and he said "Could you wrap these up" I am sure he felt that heart thumping when he said that and I did not look into his eyes for the entire experience there, because I did not want him to spent the money actually and somehow or rather, I want the whole trying experience to be like a never ending one that the objects will always be objects of desire.

But anyway, I went out feeling like I am in a hazy dream and I cun believe I actually got something from Tiffany. Lee Hwa is manageable, but I still cannot believe the Tiffany & Co feel, maybe it’s got to do with the whole American Dream.

Then Eileen, Sam, Ejun and I went to eat at LJS. Then we took a cab to Bugis while the guys went to Klassic. I had a game with Eileen after our shopping spree (controlled items) and we ate at KFC for dinner. Basically that’s how the day went. more interesting than my typical Sunday I would say. more so when tmr we are gonna go for Chalet…

Maybe better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’s creation, maybe more irrisistable than Willie Wonka’s Imagination of the Year, this is what I want.. hopefully can see and taste it in my wildest dreams…

A 30cm rectangular cake, looks white like North Pole snow at first glace, so light you can hold it like candy floss or cotton bunch in your hands, but it feels chilled like the clouds, the misty haze surrounding it, and smoke emitting slowly that smells like cherry fondue, minus the cut from dry ice. There are pretty marshmellows in the shape of starfish and pufferfish that floats on the top, and levitates around the cake and eventually goes to find a owner in the party.

Then the cake changes shape from Hello Kitty to Heffalump, then to Care Bear and My Melody, and soothing sound coming from the waves of the smoke, playing Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You, and Silver Bells, and any song that me and my friends dedicate. The fragrance changes from chocolate to mocha, then to black forest ice-blended, and changes accordingly to whatever flavour you imagine inside.

Suddenly, a small cute baby dragon (like the one from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire- minus the fierceness) will snuggle out and smile at everyone. It makes some do a Chicken Little Dance, and cast a spell to make everyone fall into a 1 sec slumber but it feels like you have slept for ten years. When you wake up, you feel like a newborn and you see a rainbow across the sky with bright green grass and hills afar.

The dragon will make enough portion so that everyone can eat their fill. The cake tastes like banana dipped into choc fudge coated with peanuts, but nobody gets any nuts allergies, then as you sink your teeth deeper, you feel a sense of cold, and it turns into peach and honeydew frozen yoghurt. The two flavour alternates slowly and you won’t get bored with the taste.

Suddenly, someone bursts into excited laughter. And others followed, because they tasted an alvanche of sliding snow on their tongue. The snow turns into a mayrid of colors, like the Pantone colors from Photoshop, everyone open their mouth and shows the sparkling stars that pops up as the colors changes. They close their mouth and the stars stays in the air for a few seconds before popping and releasing a small fountain of fireworks that spells their name, like "Jingle, Merry Xmas!"

Everyone is jumping around as the whole party is filled with stars and fireworks. Then at the bottom of the cake, is a little pool of water that you can see your reflection in it. Everyone makes a wish around the cake and some words will appear on the water telling a good new for the future for everyone. As everyone finishes the cake, they will each experience a scene that they always imagine, like Jingle doing a 8 ball run, or Yijun winning Entreprenuer of the Year award, or SITi growing taller, or Hammie shopping for a Coach fur coat, or Ah Beng winning a 1 Million Toto.

The cake vanishes into thin air once everyone felt a scene of shiokness, and tells everyone to be good so that they get invited to this special party again with a new cake the next year.

Merry Xmas hohoho.. hope you like this pre-xmas tale…