My Blog

I changed my status from It’s Complicated to Attached. I just want to make things a little simpler.

Not that I broke up and got a new bf. I just want to be myself. Nothing in my life was ever complicated. I grew up happy with everyday, liking everyone, even those that were nasty to me. Never hated the girl that called me stupid in class and did not want to sit beside me. At the end of yr 2 in sec school, she apologised.

If you receive a key that opens a Pandora’s Box, would you boldly accpet everything that came along the way, or become resentful of the creature that stings you? I decide to myself, that I want to be a happy girl once more.

I took a photo at Botanic Gardens yesterday - it looked calm and beautiful. I want to stop questioning people. I just want to make my life easier. I still love chocolates and being able to laugh. It’s still my habit shopping alone. I still feel some movies are to be watched alone. I still feel falling in love and being in love is beautiful. I still thinks every single one of you on Earth IS beautiful.

I still like raining days and the chilly winds. I still enjoy kissing. I still like salamanders. I still like photography and acting. I still feel the world is beautiful.

Watched Amazing Race the last episode with my bro. We wanted the Hippies to win. Cos they brought more smiles to the world, they took things in a greater stride, they enjoy every challenge, they remembered the paths they have taken. At the flag challenge, teams had to pick 9 flags from the huge maze of flags and put them in the correct order of the country they had visited. Some flags were even colored wrongly to distract them. Though the arrived a little later than their competitor at the final flag challenge, mutual encouragements and determination lead them on to the finishing line.

If your partner told the world he isnt normal, what would you do? Would you treat him normally, be normal, treat him differently or be different? I thought the Amazing Race taught me a couple of lessons. When you don’t speak the same language, when you face a road block or a challenge, when the world is moving faster or slower than you want them to, remember where you have been through and love it, because the journey counts as much as the destination.

Thank you Jun for always pushing me to the destination while I always looked at the journey.

"Smile, the best is yet to be"

Quick Inspirations when I got up at 8 am…..

The Philosopher: "To break or not to break, that is the question."

The Businessman: "What incentives are there to stay with her?"

The Politician: "I have a strong mandate. You better choose me."

The Gamer: "To be with her is mar chiam Oblivian. You want me to come back to you? Can, give me 30 gold peices."

The SCV promoter: "Ying wei nu peng you zui zhi de ni chong ai"

The Ah beng VCD Seller: "Lelong Lelong, free fuck free fuck!"

Jack Neo:" I not stupid you know! I money not enough liao, what you want?"

The Scientist: "Try an error" (Input by Jason)

The Actor: "I’ll be back"

This leaks out from somewhere i my heart.. when i went to Clementi today after pool with Jun and Sam.

It’s been 2 years, but i can still remember how the feeling lingers on. Because it was the most important time of my life. Struggling to survive a failed relationship and handle the greatest test of my life, my final year NTU exams.

Come to think of it, I couldn’t believe it passed just like that, because I was still in the midst of asking myself what the shit was I in. Those nites I spent alone in the 1 room hostel, I was glad I was alone for 2 weeks. Away from everyone. Family and bf. Only songs from my pc kept me company while I lie on my mattress on the floor. I did not like the bed. I cried every night. I listened to the same songs over and over again. Until I decided it was time to switch to some new composition by this new person. And I am still listening to them now after 2 years before I sleep. During those nights, it gave me some time to think, and it gave me some time to speak to someone else new that came into my life. And it was Jun.

No one knew that this person messaged me in Friendster. No one knew I went out to meet him in Borders for the first time. No one knew we were dating and messaging like crazy. No one knew we stayed up till 3 am to ICQ each other. I remembered a lot of things. There was a nationwide black out and he called me and told me he was at the balcony. This is from the last para, an excerpt from a poem that Jun wrote to me.

“I think its hard to understand, how friends can learn to be Someone that’ll always be there, through all uncertainty But in that time of awareness, I’ve found myself a sun That glows even in darkness… Jingle…you are the one”

I miss the poems and the letters, I start to think about how every date feels exciting for us then. Now we see each other every day, and when I return to bed, I look at the first toy that he bought at IMM while I studied that Mc, sometimes I read all our letters and our entries in our little black book and cry at the memories.

Awfully sentimental, it should not be drown and forgotten in daily practicalities.

The Mc and Clementi still has that flower pot at the right corner. I knew it cos it was there when Jun accompanied me while I studied there and he wrote in my little black book. He was wearing his Army uniform then. Now that all the uniform as made way for black pants and suits, I am looking back and thinking of all the fights we had, the quarrels, the tears. It’s been 2 years, but I can still remember the Otah that we bought and we just lay at the HDB shelter to eat. Maybe that was the incident that made Otah taste so special now.

We did an online quiz that analysed that my heart was made of gold and his made of glass. And he told me he would encase gold in glass, because if anything were to happen, he were to break first. What happened 2 days ago was true enough to demonstrate this, for he whacked his head with his knuckle many times because he was frustrated with himself over our tiff. And it was so bad, he had to see a doc and did an X-ray for his skull to make sure he was feeling alright.

The path we had taken wasn’t smooth. I hear this is my head all the time “If the road ahead is not so easy, Our love will lead the way for us Like a guiding star” for this is our song, Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You, that played at a stationery shop at IMM one evening when were dating. Now whenever we hear this, we smile at each other, and our hearts just melts on the spot.

Maybe many ladies have different memories with Jun. Maybe some of them shared their lives with him for some time. Maybe some of them held his hands that played the finest songs. Maybe some of them kissed his lips that parted the cutest grin. But all I need, is to keep this message from Jun to me.

"nothing’s gonna stop me from showing my dearest i love her… I’ll try to make you feel you’re the happiest person in the world.. cause when you’re back… i know i’ll be… so until your return …. i’ll be here.. waiting. Love you more than you could imagine. Yijun. Anamics Inc. Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:18:12 +0800 "

This is for you, and if you happen to pass by, drop me a message. Cos I just cun stop living in our start, for everyday is always a beginning.