My Blog

Haven wrote for a long time. Firstly I just cannot put the ups and downs in my life in public writing. These are in private diary. Stuffs here are mostly when i have gotten over things and learnt somethings from it.

Yesterday I was woken up by mom who brought me to the new floating stadium by Marina Bay. She won some tixs to join a tour by 100.3 fm and we got photographed and interviewd by the media. not to forget the wonderful goodie bag that was given free - lostsa eat, drink and be merry stuff in there. Even got a bag that says "throw your rubbish into this little bag, and paste this sticker (with a serial number printed) so that you can win up to XX in cash". Well done.

Then dad fetched us to the Church where he sells brunch to the church members with a bunch of his best friends. Imagine, free spread of bee hoon, deep fried chicken wings, spring rolls, fish ball, coffee, otah, fish cake and all these you-know-what junk food.

Then visited my grandparents and head off to Coffee CLub to have have favourite Wasabi prawn salad and Iced cafe mocha. Study photography at the same time - my idea of bliss - healthy and wholesome food, paired with study of topic of passion. Maybe better than sex.

Then met bf for pool. Played and won a race to 9, then went to parkway for dinner. We ate bak kut teh and pig trotters and the soup is free flow. Almost died of sodium overload n kidney failure but my brain was listening more to the pleasure of the tongue.

Then when to ig’s heaven - favourite concept store and bought 3 keychains - tiny mini wooden carved japanese dolls.. soooo cute. Also bought 100g of tropical fruits from Umeya.

Gosh, headed back home to do more studying and talked with sis till midnight ..

Moral of the story?

1) Woman loves food - best if it’s free and sinful.

2) Woman like to win - although they seem to be giving in all the time

3) Forget all other worries in life. Eat and live and spend time with your loved ones - I haven done so much in a day in 3 years.

4) Never forget if you are upset, depressed or watever, time spent with yourself will heal, because you get tuned back to your senses. Coffee beans are bitter, but coffee is bloody therapeutic. Look at the bigger picture, and you know when to let go of the small details.

5) The mind that discerns and is intelligent is most likely to have more problems because god created them intelligent - and thus other thoughts also plaque them. They think too much - then become confuse and lost. See, i told you this universe is created in balance. When you are lost and confused, you yearn to be conscious again.

Wow, never did I thought I would be given the chance to take photos up at the Helipad for Duane Morris’s Opening in Singapore! After taking the lift to the 69th storey, we had to climb like 4 flights of stairs to the top of the Helipad.

But the view was WORTH IT. It feels like you are at the top of EVERYTHING, you see everything without boundaries, you feel like flying, you feel like reaching out to everything, you feel like you are in control of everything.

That brings me to something I want to write for a long time.. after watching Mr Bean’s Holiday. It’s like, the joke of the century, the unexpected turnaround of one’s life, the journey where you can never predict that decision you make today will enable you to experience another event sometime in your lifetime.

I hope to tell myself - that if I ever feel lost because of some unexpected turn, I will remember standing on top of Raffles again and feel in control - that everything that you see, is so tiny - depending on how you look at it.

On CNY, i went to visit my relative. She gave us some fortune cookies and i picked one. Inside the cookie was a slip that read "Among the lucky, you are the chosen one" and a 4D number 1160. The night before, the reunion table number was 0611. So i went to buy 4D. The horoscope of the month also say i will be lucky especially in lottery. It was sunday, and much to my excitment and hope, it did not strike.

And then i was thinking to myself maybe wednesday also have chance, but i did not buy. Until mom called me and screamed over the phone and said 1160 was one of the consolation prize on wed (today). I was like "okay.. dun have to tell me lor, i din buy".

Then i was thinking.. could have won me $1000+ and how come I din feel a thing? If I said that guy that walked past you is a millionaire and could have been your husband, would you feel the same? My cousin told me his friend won 2 million in Toto a couple of years back. Quick pick. He quit his job, bought a sports car and went London and study. Another rich guy won a hundred thousand but donated all to NKF.

What is money anyway? Something that can buy happiness? Or just a hint of emptiness that can go just as quickily as it appear? To me, if you never own it, you never lose it. And so… if you happen to break up with anyone, remember, you didn’t loose anything… cos you did not own anyone in this life. You merely enjoy the ride with them. Just like how a little investment with 1160 brings hope - but never eternal wealth.

I was alighting from bus today and felt a tap on my back. An old woman was trying to tap her EZ link card from her parallel sit opp thye tap machine. Since she was trying so hard and the bus was moving, I offered to help her and much to my surprise, she snapped back at me and said "Siam, KayPo!"

She was so loud, I figured the whole bus can hear her. I was more shocked at her reaction than embarrassed, so I just turned by back at her and alighted through the back exit. Ha, do you think it’s funny? One indian woman smiled at me, and I smiled back, and I was thinking the whole bus must be thinking about her weird behaviour and feeling sorry for me. But who cares, the whole world doesnt care about how you feel, cos no matter how nice you are, people just perceive the worst from you, they don’t remember the nice things you do, they only pick and criticise the bad things, and gracious, they have an elephant’s memory for that, and they dun give a shit to the thoughtful things you do for them…

The whole world is sick.

While doing a project for Emb. Eduardo Ramos-Gomez, I learnt something.

The project is for his wife’s Pamela’s birthday, set next year in Indonesia. Theme is A message of Peace. Because Pam is the one who could only bring peace to his life. His only weakness is Pam. And through his hectic days of being an attorney, he looks forward to his wife’s arm, because she can cuddle him like a baby and makes him feels everything is ok. And he says Pam has peace within herself.

And I learnt that the world sucks, because you get blamed for things that are normally not your fault, you get double the responsiblity for half the pay, you get balls that run round the table but do not pot, you get hair in your noodles and you have to please people so that they can love you back.

And so I tried, to practise peace within myself, if I do not think too much, I will not feel too much, and will not react too much and will create peace around me. Yeay.. well said… but the moral of the story is, the ones that truely love you, are the ones that do not question your behaviour from the first day you were born, till the last day you walk out of the house, like your parents, who do not have you ask you why you choose that guy to love, and in turn, that guy happens to be one that also accept who you were from the first day he met you till the day he is still with you.

I was walking to the toilet on the 6th floor or Lucky Plaza during my usual session of pool when i bumped into a Black man. He was wearing blue shirt and gold chain.

He suddenly looked at me and said,"You know what happened?!"

I stopped and looked at him. He continued, "You know, I wanna go out with you. I will pay for everything you want."

I smiled and said,"It’s alright," and continued heading into the toilet, feeling rather quite amused.

As I walked out, he was waiting outside again, and he said,"You don’t want me? You don’t understand what i am saying.. come come.."

I smiled an even more confident smile at him and said, "I have someone else"

"Oh.. I am sorry..!" he said with an exclaim of disappointment.

I went back to Mambo and told Ejun and Sam about this brief encounter and my bf said.."hm.. not bad.. at least you got sex appeal"

We talked on our way back and my bf actually enlightened me about the popularity of the porn industry between the Black and Asian women and the short films downloadable. I wouldn’t wanna think about it. I know it’s stored somewhere in your hard drive.

She lives just near the bus stop.

She loiters around the pavement, minding her own business, but mindful of who’s familiar and who’s not.

She is there rain or shine.

She does not have to worry for food.

She has a tortoise-shell coat, plump skin and bright eyes.

She comes to whoever gives her attention.

She lives a day one at a time.

She attracts everyone.

She fucks and does not care.

Pussy is a cat.

Was on a bus on the way to City Hall one day when i overheard a conversation.

A guy was talking to his female friend. Apprently it’s the school holidays and they were looking for a job.

He said in mandarin," You know what is your problem? You always think you will fail. Even during studying for exams, you think you will fail already. Lidat how to pass? Sure fail one!?…You apply for job also…always think you only got a diploma…people dun want you… your problem is you must be confident! Your worry now should be how to make people believe you can do it, rather than worry whether you can make it or not!…You know wat I am going to do now? I dun care liao.. I just apply…they sure want people who  say can do anything one!… "

Wah… i turned around and look at this boy, dressed in T-shirt, jeans and sneakers, lean and beng look.. but such profound words of one of life’s most important lesson…when he alighted, my eyes followed him and I smiled … I thought I believed in his life even before I knew what he would become.. when i knew probably I will not bump into him ever again.

Have you believed in yourself today? Or maybe try believing in someone for once.

Let me quote Poh Heng.."Nothing quite as precious as trust"

What do you do when one of your dress strap broke and you did not wear a bra?

That’s what happened to me yesterday, when I was walking and to my amusement (wow..surprise!), anger (not a cheap dress) and excitement (is anyone looking?!), half the top of my dress just fell off like that!. ANd I wasnt even wearing a bra…luckily I had a cardigen and managed to let my sun dress hang by a thin thread on the other side.

I sms my bf to tell him to meet my at Lido instead, claiming an "emergency".

Then I walked from Border to Lido Isetan trying to see if I should buy a new complete wardrobe…new bra, new top, new bottom, or new dress that doesnt need me to wear bra (good excuse to shop and get a new wardrobe on impulse..literally), or ask the sales girl for a safety pin..

I felt like I am only left with my black panties and beige cardigen (and i imagined myself like those lingerie models who like to dress up in panties and huge sweaters), if everything were to fall down..but bf just said "lets go home and sew it up"…haha..great and I saved some money.

Then later in the day.. we walked to the new Cathay cinema to check it out. Still raw and not very crowded, so we decided to go Centrepoint - cos I wanted to check out Women’s Secret. Managed to try on and buy this cool wireless reversible bra with Brazilian green trim and magnet clasps…great for hanging dry ..all i have to do is stick it up the window.